Wednesday, May 02, 2007

A history of health...

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and
populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and
yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's
Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with
that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it,
add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep
the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from
the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from
size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan
presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the
side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and
olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish
and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained
more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it
"Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate
cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children
might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control
so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman
laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, nat urally low in fat and
brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced
the Starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer
calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and
its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is
good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.